Reflections on 2013

I got home from work last night and Rob and I went to go give Cricket (my cat) his pill. He ended up in the vet's office the day before Christmas Eve with what the vet thought was a UTI, so he's been on antibiotics since then. We found him dead on the bathroom floor. We assume it wasn't a UTI, but cancer or something like that. He was six. We haven't told the kids yet as they were all asleep and we wanted to tell them together. Happy New Year kids. Cricket is dead.

I had the thought that this is a fitting way to end this year. It's been a really hard year for us.

But it's also been an amazing year. I think the best way to describe it is that this year has stretched us. Stretched us farther than we ever thought we could without breaking. It has been round after round of incredibly intense stress and emotion, with very few breaks in between. I don't know how we made it though, except that we had no choice but to do so.

I saw a quote on facebook the other day (excuse the language) that seemed very apropos - "God only gives us what He knows we can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a bad-ass."

I wouldn't change it though. Not that I'd go back and voluntarily live through it again, and I'm really hoping 2014 is significantly easier, but I'm glad we went through the things we've gone through this year. I am so much closer to who I want to be. I am so much more sure of myself and what I am capable of. I am so much more at peace with myself. Rob and I are so much closer.

I value the relationships in my life so much more now. For the first time ever, I am really surrounding myself with people who support me and believe in me and like me. I had some of them in my life before, but most of those I felt closest to were not in that category. I am shocked by the difference that has made. To be allowed to have weaknesses and to be loved despite failings. To be circling the whirlpool of despair and be lifted out by the hands of those who love me rather than having to claw my way out by my fingernails. To show someone the worst parts of you and have them think more highly of you because of it. I didn't know that was possible.

There must be opposition in all things. This was probably the hardest year of my life, which is impressive to me considering things I've dealt with in recent years. It was also one of the best years of my life. I love who I am becoming because of the things I have gone through. I love where I am. I have an incredible husband who is my very best friend. I have six amazing children; we didn't think we'd be able to have any. I have the most wonderful friends I can imagine - especially Jojo and James, but also others that I don't want to list for fear I'll leave someone out. I get to work at a job I love with amazing people and I get incredible opportunities like working with the PDI program, the John School, and starting a group for female addicts (there are only a couple others in the world).

This year has been such a blessing. At work, we talk about the "zone of proximal development". Basically, you have to be challenged to grow. I am so grateful for the challenges this year has brought because of the changes they have forced me to make. That being said, I can't wait for 2014. I am ready for 2013 to be over.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself" - Neil Gaiman

Christmas Photos '13

We couldn't get the timer on the camera to work (can't imagine why it broke with 6 kids who play with it all the time), so we didn't get a full family photo.

I cropped them, but for some reason, the computer didn't save any of the edited versions.

2013 Christmas Letter

Laura is now 15 months old. She is walking and starting to talk. She has the cutest little Puckish smile and loves to laugh. She loves music and dancing. She keeps us on our toes and is constantly working to hone her mountaineering skills by scaling objects she is not supposed to climb. She also has a Houdini-like ability to open any container.

Eva is three. Her very favorite thing is tutus and she refuses to wear anything else. She loves make up and Dora and fairies. She insists on carrying her “backpacks”, which consist of one backpack on wheels, one on her back, one bag, and a purse, everywhere she goes. Her current favorite song is Rudolph (which she asks for by asking for “miss-mas songs”) and she loves to vehemently insert phrases she learned from her siblings (such as “like a LIGHTBULB!”) into the song.

Jack is six and in first grade. His very favorite thing right now is Pokemon. He just got cards for Christmas, but made his own deck before opening his present. His best friend is Kylie and the two of them love to create games based on their favorite shows (superhero shows or power rangers). He gives awesome prayers, incorporating requests shaped by the shows he loves, such as “help no one to die except bad guys”.

Elizabeth will be eight in two weeks. She is in second grade this year and is the best reader in her grade, devouring chapter books in hours. She loves art and regularly creates elaborate art projects from scratch. She remains literal to the point of ridiculousness, an interesting trait in a house full people who routinely use hyperbole (“A million years Mom? Nobody lives that long.”).  

Kylie is nine and is in fourth grade. She has had the same teacher (Mrs. Brooks) for the last three years and loves school, especially math. She instigated Jack’s Pokemon obsession and has one of her own. She loves sports and superheros and power rangers and guns. She has a wonderful sense of humor and keeps us laughing with her kooky outfits. Her favorite article of clothing is knee socks, which she wears daily, pulled all the way up.

Megan is eleven and started middle school this year. She wears lip gloss and got asked out by a boy. She requested (and received) eye shadow for Christmas. Ugh. I don’t think we’re ready for this! She loves middle school and especially excels at English. The stories she writes are amazing! She still loves art, although her interest is now primarily in clothing design. She started playing the clarinet this fall. She can’t wait to start officially babysitting next summer and is doing everything she can think of to prepare.

I (Laney) had a very eventful year. In March I crossed all my fingers and toes and contacted Dr. Mark Bird (a therapist I quoted in most of my papers), asking if I could do my internships with him. He agreed and I started working with him in May. He is an amazing therapist and I love working with him. I finished the coursework part of my program in June, maintaining a 4.0 GPA! I plan to take my MFT exam in May and should graduate this coming June. I continue to work with the Dallas PDI (Prostitute Diversion Initiative) Program each month and am now also working with the other half of the program, the John School. I teach the section of the program on pornography addiction. In September I started doing co-therapy with another therapist named James, who is now one of my best friends, which is good as we spend about 25 hours a week together.

The other big thing that happened to me this year wasn’t quite as fun. At the end of March I was diagnosed with postpartum cardiomyopathy, or heart failure due to pregnancy. The statistics for this condition are not great, but we caught it early and my prognosis is good. It has necessitated about a dozen changes in medications or doses of medication over the past nine months and has significantly decreased our participation in social, school, or church functions. It has also given us the opportunity to streamline our lives and figure out what is really important to us. It has increased our appreciation for each other and for our friends. Thank you all for your concern, prayers, meals, and love! It means more than you know. Currently the medications are preventing my condition from getting worse, but I’m not getting any better. This is not abnormal; it often takes up to two years to show signs of improvement in those who recover from this condition.  

Rob is still working at Fidelity (he’ll hit 10 years this spring). He has been an amazing support to me through all my classes and now my internships, and through my health issues. He somehow manages to juggle work and housework and taking care of the kids every night on his own. He sees the older four kids more than I do as I work afternoons and evenings. He sees this as an opportunity to get closer to them and I’ve loved seeing his relationship with each of the kids grow and develop. Laura and Eva have him wrapped around their little fingers. He stopped doing boxing and muay thai classes due to my health and our schedule, but still loves to watch UFCs with his friends when he gets the chance.

Lessons learned this year –

Life is short and can change in an instant. Cherish the special people in your life. Make time for those you love. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and support you. Figure out what’s really important and make sure your focus is on the things that really matter. Treasure the “Kinkade” moments in your life. Never miss a chance to tell someone you love them or appreciate them. Laugh. Love.

Merry Christmas!!!

Love, Rob, Laney, Megan, Kylie, Beth, Jack, Eva, and Laura

 

Pre-Christmas Presents

We started a new tradition two years ago; we let the kids open on present (often one that they have really wanted) the day before Christmas Eve. As I work tomorrow and don't know what time I'll be home, we decided to let them open their early present tonight.

Laura got a set of balls

Eva got a set with playdoh and cookie cutters

Jack got pokemon cards

Beth got a craft set of foam butterflies

Kylie got a set of Pokemon cards too

Megan got eyeshadow

2013 Yearly Summary

I started writing a yearly summary as part of our Christmas letter, but decided it was too long to include. We'll post our Christmas letter tonight after taking pictures of the kids in their Christmas outfits.

*****

2013 has been a dizzying combination of super high highs and super low lows for us.

We started off the year by Rob having surgery (his third hernia repair). This actually ended up being one of our highs as he got a month off work and the two of us got to spend the whole month hanging out with each other and enjoying time with the kids. It was a wonderful way to start off the year. Beth turned 7. Megan fell (read between the lines here – was pushed by Jack) on the kitchen floor and chipped a tooth (I’m shocked that we made it this far without one of the kids doing that). Laura started eating solid food.

In February, Beth pulled out three of her baby teeth (all of which were not loose) with the help of Megan and a scarf (the first was a mistake, the next two were attempts to imitate the results to get more money from the tooth fairy). Laura started sitting up. Eva did headstands in the aisle at church in her dress. Rob went back to work. Eva, Laura, and I watched “The Lorax” at least 4 times a day.

March brought Megan’s choir concert, Kylie’s living library presentation on Annie Oakley (picked as Kylie thinks she’s super cool because at the age of eight Annie shot a wild turkey in the head), and trips to the park at night to look at planets through Kiki’s telescope. Laura started crawling. In March I interviewed with Dr. Mark Bird, who works at a private practice called Healing & Recovery, asking him if I could do my MFT internship with him. I also was introduced to the “John School”, which is the other half of the PDI program. The last week of March I was diagnosed with heart failure.

April brought adjustments to new medications and a stronger emphasis on, and greater appreciation for, family time. Jack went on the traditional Kindergarten field trip to the zoo, although the rest of us missed it. Fortunately Miss Jojo came to the rescue and Jack had a fabulous day, reporting that he got to walk a baby lion and baby gorilla around the zoo with him the whole time (Jojo says Jack’s version of their day is much more interesting than her version, so we’re sticking with his).

Beth and Kylie both went on field trips in May. Beth went to the Aquarium and Kylie went to the Mint. Rob told Kylie to ask if they handed out free samples (they don’t). Eva slammed Jack’s fingers in the door so hard that we ended up at urgent care. Fortunately his fingers weren’t broken. I turned 35 and went out with Jojo and Betsy for pedicures and dinner.  Kylie turned 9. Several pieces of Beth’s artwork were featured in a district-wide art show. I started working at Healing & Recovery with Dr. Bird (hereafter referred to as Mark).

Megan graduated from elementary school at the beginning of June. I can’t believe we have a middle-schooler! Jack graduated from Kindergarten. We kept busy with field day and a trip to the science museum and visits from both Travis and Elder Randle (one of our favorite elders who came back to visit us after his mission was over). Once school got out, we made weekly trips to Jojo’s pool. Rob won tickets to a water park called Hawaiian Falls, so we got a sitter for Laura and Eva and took the four older kids. Our friends Damian, Rhea, and their daughter Jia came to visit. I finished up the coursework part of my program (although I still have classwork that goes along with my internships), with a 4.0 GPA! Jack got a Mohawk. Ashley (Betsy’s daughter) started working as our summer nanny.

July started off by me ended up in the ER with a GI bleed. The CT scan they did at the hospital also discovered a lesion on my liver. Over the next few weeks I got to have an MRI done to check out my liver (benign) and a colonoscopy (why stick with just echocardiograms and EKGs when there are so many fun tests to choose from?) to figure out what caused the GI bleed (food poisoning). We continued to try to make it to Jojo’s pool weekly, making sure to stop at Sonic on the way home for half-price milk shakes. Eva always got peanut butter and bacon. I don’t think we need a paternity test to know that she is definitely Rob’s daughter. Beth went off the diving board for the first time. Jack went off the diving board without floaties for the first time (although his was less voluntary and more being thrown in by me). Laura started walking. Rob turned 38 and Megan turned 11.

Jack turned 6 in August. Aunt Kate sent the kids a fabulous “Christmas in August” box that they loved. Elder Jensen (another of our favorite elders), who we originally met in RI a decade ago (which makes him, Rob, and I all feel very old), came to visit. Rob and I celebrated our 16^th anniversary (that made us feel old too). The kids started school; Jack in 1^st grade, Beth in 2^nd, Kylie in 4^th and Megan in 6^th. Middle school has been an adjustment, but Meg loves it! Mark hired James, a new therapist, to work at Healing & Recovery. James and I started working as co-therapists.

We celebrated Laura’s first birthday at the beginning of September. Brittney moved in to provide childcare in return for room and board. Damian, Rhea, and Jia came to visit again. I worked to find time to spend with the kids, going to Cabela’s for family dates and singing to them at night. I started doing weekly individual check-ins with the kids every Sunday night, which all of us love. I became a presenter for the John School, teaching the section on Pornography Addiction. I also started co-teaching a once-weekly twelve-week class on sexual addictions with James and a therapist named Pennie Johnson, who teaches the section of the John School on Sexual Addiction.

Due to my schedule (I work afternoons and evenings), I barely see the older four kids except on weekends, so in October, I started pulling one of them out of school each week and taking them out to lunch with Eva and Laura. Jojo joined us, making it even more special. Jack went to Chick-fil-a, Beth got Sonic and went to a playground, and Kylie went to Chick-fil-a as well. Kylie did such an amazing job taking care of Laura and Eva and the other toddlers playing on the Chick-fil-a playground that another mom bought her and Eva ice cream. Megan was grounded for two months as she adjusted to the increased responsibilities of being a middle-schooler and having to turn in assignments rather than have them collected, so we had to wait for her grades to come up before she got a lunch date. We made it to the Pumpkin Patch and dressed as Despicable Me 2 characters for Halloween. Even Rob and I dressed up this year (kudos to Rob for making it through the trunk-or-treat wearing a turtleneck; he hates turtlenecks). One of my best friends, Leah, passed away after fighting brain cancer for the past 15 months.

Eva turned 3 in November. We had a very quiet (ok, more laid back than quiet as quiet isn’t really synonymous with having 6 kids) Thanksgiving with just the eight of us. Megan finally brought her math grade up enough that she was no longer grounded and was able to be pulled out of school for her lunch date. We joined Jojo at Central Market, hitting it on a day when the weather was perfect. Another mom saw Jojo with Megan and shared how impressed she was with Megan’s approach towards taking care of the littler kids on the playground, saying Megan “sounded just like a therapist”. Definitely my daughter! :) My cardiologist sent me for a MUGA scan. There is something a bit unnerving about having radioactive blood carried into the room in a lead-lined container and then injected into you. To our disappointment, it did not make me glow in the dark.

December began with an ice storm that resulted in three snow days for the kids and a weekend with all of us snuggled up in the house together. Next time a huge ice storm is predicted, we are parking our cars in the driveway instead of the garage. It is easier to clean 3 inches of solid ice off a car than off a driveway. Driveways do not have defrosters. Also, our next house will have the driveway on the south side of the house. Brittney decided to move on and gave her two weeks’ notice. We finally put up our Christmas tree a week and a half before Christmas (ice storms and health issues delayed it). For the first year ever, we did not make presents for each of the kids’ teachers. We didn’t hand out cookies either, although we missed that last year too. Stupid heart issues. We have each other though and that is most important! We’ll be spending Christmas at home with just the eight of us.

Lessons learned this year –

Life is short and can change in an instant. Cherish the special people in your life. Make time for those you love. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and support you. Figure out what’s really important and make sure your focus is on the things that really matter. Treasure the “Kinkade” moments in your life. Never miss a chance to tell someone you love them or appreciate them. Laugh. Love.