Better late than never. I wrote this a month ago, but with all the problems we had with the laptop, I never posted it.
******
Wow, this was a REALLY hard year for us. It seemed like we
went from one challenge to the next without ever getting a break. There were
some really good parts though – some of the best days ever :) I learned a lot.
Lessons I have learned (to remind myself and so my kids can
read them someday) –
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to
surround yourself with people who love you and support you and see the best in
you. There are a lot of good people in the world, but just because they are
good people does not mean they fit into this category. Who you become will be
shaped by those around you. Make sure they are people who bring you up instead
of holding you back or dragging you down. Take the time to truly evaluate your
relationships. Don’t just blindly accept that you deserve to be treated in a
certain way. Relationships are like bank accounts; they need to have both
deposits and withdrawals in order to stay balanced. If you are in a
relationship where there are many more withdrawals than there are deposits,
you’re going to end up bankrupt.
I’ve gone through some very challenging experiences
involving some individuals in my life in the past few years. Those experiences
caused a significant depression for a really long time. I debated going on
anti-depressants. A friend gave me some wonderful advice. She told me that I
could go on anti-depressants, but that wouldn’t fix the problem (I am not
trying to say this is the answer for everyone or in any way judging people who
decide anti-depressants are right for their situation – I am merely saying this
was the right choice for me in this situation). If I really wanted to stop
dealing with that bout of depression, I needed to change the relationships. If
the others involved were not interested in those changes, then I needed to
choose between continuing the relationships and getting to a healthier place.
It doesn’t matter how many times you wash your shirt; if someone keeps throwing
mud at you, it’s going to stay dirty.
Don’t judge people. You don’t know the whole story. Even if
you are hearing the story from someone you think should know the details, they
may not. Especially don’t immediately believe things about someone that don’t
sound like something that person would do. If you hear something about a
friend, go get the story from them before judging them about what you heard. I
have always tried to live my life by the axiom “live so that when someone
speaks ill of you, no one believes it”. This year I have learned that I need to
change that. I have no control over what others are going to say about me. I
have no control over what others are going to believe about me. I have no
control over others period. I only have control over myself. I now try to live
so that when others speak ill of me, I know it’s not true. And tying this in
with the first lesson from this year, I surround myself by people who believe
only the best about me. Not that they don’t see my faults. Like everyone, I
have a lot of faults. But they look hard enough to see who I am behind the
faults and they truly believe the good far outweighs the bad.
Just because someone thinks or says something about you
doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if several someones think or say something about
you. Learn to critically examine your life. Develop relationships with people
who can help you to determine the truth in things that are said so that you can
fix things that need to be fixed, but also so you can appropriately discard
things that are not true.
When you make mistakes, apologize. None of us are perfect.
There is no shame in being wrong. When you apologize, do it for yourself. Don’t
do it to get an apology back because it doesn’t matter if you do or don’t.
Don’t justify your actions when apologizing. When considering your actions,
examining the reasons behind them is necessary in order to understand them, but
when apologizing, it is not necessary or helpful to include that reasoning.
Also, do not let yourself be bullied into accepting blame for things you didn’t
do. Take responsibility for your mistakes, but don’t think that means you need
to take responsibility for the mistakes of others.
It’s ok to allow people to deal with the consequences of
their actions. In fact, it’s appropriate to allow others to live with the
consequences of their actions. Allowing people to experience consequences does
not mean you to wish them ill. You are not a bad person if you stop protecting
people from natural results of their decisions. Often it is not possible to
protect them from their consequences without causing harm to yourself or
someone else. Sometimes those consequences can include taking a step back and
saying you don’t want them in your life unless they change the way they are
choosing to act. That doesn’t make you a bad person.
You can listen to someone without agreeing with them.
Allowing words to come out of someone’s mouth without instantly debating them does
not mean you agree with them. It means you respect the individual enough to
listen to what they are saying. Some arguments aren’t worth having. If someone
is not going to listen to you, don’t bother trying to talk to them unless it’s
something you need to do for yourself because they won’t get anything out of it
and it won’t change their thoughts or behaviors.
You have the right to take time to consider your response to
something. You don’t have to react instantly. And if you later decide you were
wrong, you can change your mind.
I'll end with a quote a friend posted the other day ~
"There comes a time in life,
when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround
yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good.
So, love the people who treat you right. Think good thoughts for the ones who
don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of
LIFE...Getting back up is LIVING...Have a great life." - JJ. Cohen
