PDI

Tonight was a special dinner for those involved in the PDI (Prostitute Diversion Initiative). I learned a lot more about it. There are over 500 diversion groups in the US. A diversion group is a group of people working to divert individuals from criminal behavior through offering them opportunities that help them build better lives for themselves. The Dallas PDI is the only one of these groups where law enforcement works with social service groups. Not only is the composition of this group unprecedented, but the results are as well. Most diversion groups have a success rate of about 12-16%. Dallas PDI's success rate is 62%. At a recent international meeting, other groups targeting similar populations in other countries shared their information. Most of these other groups had about 20-24 individuals go through them. PDI has had 714 as of three weeks ago. This program is being watched by other law enforcement groups, both nationally and internationally. Phoenix is starting a group based off of PDI this month and representatives from New Jersey will be there in preparation for the development of a similar group in that state. Representatives from PDI have been to several states, including Florida and Rhode Island, to talk about the formation of similar groups.

As impressive as the numbers are, the part that touched me the most were the personal stories that were shared. One of the PDI graduates had written a letter talking about how the program helped her. So many stories were told of women who were able to get clean and off the streets, get an education, get their children back, and even get married. Several of the people working for PDI were either addicts or prostitutes at one point and are trying now to give back to others trapped in similar situations.

It amazes me that I get the opportunity to be part of this! I was talking to Allison tonight on my way home from the dinner about all of the twists and turns that have landed me here. First of all, I wasn't supposed to attend the Dallas residency; I only did so because I was put on bedrest and couldn't make it to the residency in Phoenix. Then I only met Renee' because the teacher over her section got kidney stones the night before the residency started, so the two groups of MFT students had to be combined. Renee' is one of the founders of the PDI group. It's so incredible to me that I have this amazing chance!

Tonight at the end of the dinner, each individual that has helped with PDI was recognized. As I've only been part of it for a month, I didn't expect to be included, but Renee' gave me a certificate as well. She talked about how when she told her classmates about the program she was working with, most of them were a bit taken aback, but she said that I jumped right in and asked how I could help. Renee' is such a wonderful person, as are the others working with PDI! I feel so privileged to be able to be a part of this!

I found this and it really touched me. It was written by an addict as a tribute to his wife. It reminds me of the women from the group I work with.

I quietly created you

Innocent at first, not knowing any better



Slowly you grew, became a part of me

The more your size became, the less was I



Until my very life was being choked away



Yet I did not struggle, I kept growing you

I needed you



Then you were me and I was no more

Only then did I start to fight



But it was too late, I could/would not move

I was dying



Then she was there and gave me her hand

I brushed it away. Leave me be



Out came the hand, again and again

Sometimes I would take hold

Then let you go



Ever-while the other me, kept grinding myself away

I cannot get out



Your hand grew weary, bruised and pained

But still it came out, giving



Finally I was able to hold on, enough to breathe

So much pain to break out, so much pain



As soon as I had my own hand free

I fought, fought with everything I had



But again and again I was sent down

And then I reached out and our hands touched



Together we worked and struggled

Until I was out



But I am not free, I will never be totally free

But I am able to take your hand now



How steep the price you paid to get me

It almost broke you



I cannot forgive myself for the damage

That I caused



I laid waste, and lost so much of what could be

So much pain



Now we walk, bruised and pained hands

Together



I hope I did not destroy you

I hope you keep taking my hand



By Lee Barca

Nicknames

We use nicknames pretty frequently in our home. Thought I'd document them for posterity :)

Megan ~ Seamus, Seamus O'Malley, Miss Megan, Meg, Megs, Meganany (Megan made this one up and it's her favorite - sometimes pronounced "Megany")

Kylie ~ Kyliekins, Argyle, Argyle O'Sullivan, Kyky, Kyle, Kylie Magee

Beth ~ Bethington, Bethington Eclair St James Dubois, Angus O'Neil, Bethy, Beff, Button, Baba (what Eva calls her - we think. Eva won't say it on demand, but says it when Beth walks into the room)

Jack ~ Gak, Jacky, Jackington, Jackington Huntington Buffington III, Jack-Jack, Jackie Chan, Alistair O'Henry IV, Squirt, The Boy

Eva ~ Eba, Eba Mae, Shrimp (not quite as appropriate now as it used to be), Ainsley O'Donnell


Oh, and our pets' complete names are as follows -

Simon Templar the Hoover (or Simon Tam as a tribute to Firefly)

Harlequin St James Dubois aka El Porkchoppo Di Diablo (also Professor Longbottom)

Maximillian Dubois aka The Rat

Cricket McDougall II (also Cricket McFricking Dougall)

The Adventures of Gak and Eba, Week 1

When Jack was born, the girls had a hard time pronouncing his name correctly; they called him "Gak". It sort of stuck :) When Eva was born, Jack couldn't pronounce the "v" in her name. Honestly, Eva is now most commonly called "Eba" or "Eba Mae" in our house. The Mae just seemed to fit well with Eba and it's a tribute to a wonderful woman from Rob's life - the mother of his best friend, Wayne. We wanted to use Mae as part of one of our daughters' names, but it didn't work out. We love that it's been incorporated into a nickname though :)

Anyway, school starting has been good at our house. The three older girls love it. They have even gotten ready early a few times and waited in the car a quarter of an hour before they were supposed to leave. Beth is doing very well and is absolutely thrilled to finally officially be in school. Gak and Eba are loving having the house to themselves. Jack loves not having to share the kids' computer with his older sisters until late afternoon. Eva loves being able to crawl around and play with whatever toys she wants without the girls moving her so she won't mess up their games. I miss the older girls, but I know this is the right choice for our family :)

When playing on the kids' computer, Jack prefers to sit on the desk rather than the chair.


Beth loves music class at school and has set up a drum set at home. She happily put on a performance for us, informing us at the end that we needed to clap for her so she could bow. Eva thought a drum performance was a great idea and jumped right in.


Megan is such a big help with Eva! She loves to help give Eva baths and even asks to put on Eva's diaper afterwards and rub her down with lotion.

For some reason, my kiddos love lunchables. Don't ask me how something as incredibly processed as lunchables are popular in a house where we almost exclusively eat organic foods. As the kids like them so much, I try to get them about once a month. Costco had a 5 pack on sale when we went on Tuesday morning, so the kids had them for lunch on Wed. Jack shared his with Eva (I choose to eat leftovers instead). He happily made sandwiches and as a grand finale built a man with one of his sandwiches as the man's head. We used raisins for the feet and Jack picked out a big red raisin for the "heart".

A Bouquet of Newly Sharpened Pencils . . .

I love the line from "You've Got Mail" that Meg Ryan says about the first day of school making her want to send someone a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils. I love this time of year! It makes me think of brand-new mary janes, freshly pleated plaid skirts, and cool breezes blowing through red, yellow and orange leaves. Not exactly what you get on the first day of school in TX. Instead you get 105 degree heat, dead grass, and flushed faces as you walk home in a sauna. You try to find the lightest-weight clothes you can without sending your kids to school in bathing suits. This time of year always makes me homesick for New England. Someday, when the kids are grown and we actually have some money to spare, Rob and I will rent a house in Maine for the month of September every year :) In the meantime, I will turn down the temps on my a/c and make homemade bread and soup, even if it's still 105 outside :)

In our school district, the teachers start back on a Monday and the kids start Tuesday. We have meet the teacher night the day before the kids go back. Beth (kindergarten) got Mrs. Butley (who is from the Czech Republic), Kylie (2nd grade) got Mrs. Brooks, and Megan (4th grade) got Mrs. Hill and Mrs. Cantrell. We don't know much about any of them, except that Kylie's teacher just got awarded teacher of the year for last year :)

We let each of the kids pick one activity to do each fall and spring. Kylie, of course, picked soccer. She got into the same team as last spring and is very excited about playing goalie again! Her practices started several weeks ago and her first game is this Saturday. We find our role at this point is to pour water down her throat about every minute and a half and pour it over her head when she gets hot.

Megan asked if she could pass on any paid activity this fall in favor of sewing lessons from me, so we'll be starting with that soon.

Jack JUST missed the cutoff for soccer this fall and we couldn't find much that we thought he would really enjoy, so I'll be taking him somewhere special (like a pool or park or the jump zone) once a week instead.

Beth was adamant about wanting to take dance lessons. We looked and looked and couldn't find anything we could afford (dance lessons are EXPENSIVE!). Then a friend of mine announced that she was starting dance lessons :) It's half the price of everywhere else and the costumes for the recitals will be inexpensive as well :) Beth started yesterday. She decided on pink ballet slippers and was so excited to finally get to go to class! She got up Monday morning and was dressed for ballet by 9am . . . her class started at 4:15pm.

Beth waiting for her class to start ~

Waiting outside the classroom for the previous class to get out - note that Jack is holding his "magic bow and arrow" (the arrow is invisible), which he insisted on taking to ballet ~


As Meet the Teacher night was immediately after ballet class, we picked up pizza while Beth was at ballet. There was a Domino's across the street and not only could I order online and set the pick up time, but they had a drive thru, so I didn't even have to get out of the car to pick it up!

This morning we all got up early (except Jack, who decided to sleep in). Learning from past experience, we picked out clothes, packed backpacks (we dropped their school supplies off at Meet the Teacher night), and packed lunches the night before, so the morning was relatively calm. Beth had picked out a different dress, which she tried to put on with the zipper zipped up, and got stuck in it. After I extracted her, she refused to wear it, and picked out her purple dress instead, which I thought was appropriate as it's her favorite outfit. Megan and Beth got their hair braided. Kylie had hers cut off the night before as she keeps chewing on it.



I thought it would be nice to go back to sleep after the three older girls and Rob left, but Jack and Eva disagreed with me, so I paid bills instead. Then the three of us went to Costco. Jack was Buzz Lightyear today, complete with mismatching shoes (one flip flop and one croc). I thought Eva would have a really hard time with the older girls gone, but she had a lot of fun with Jack and the two of them laughed and talked all the way to Costco. We picked up lunch at Costco and went and ate with Rob. By the time we got home and unloaded all the groceries, it was time to pick up the girls at school. Our day went by so fast!

Farewell Summer!

First two more birthday-ish photos ~

Jack with the Russian book Nona and Papa sent him ~

Megan with her Russian coloring book from Nona and Papa ~


To celebrate the last few days of summer, the girls and I gave ourselves pedicures. Megan and Kylie did theirs completely on their own; Beth did one of hers then asked me to do the rest. Below, clockwise from the top - me, Beth, Kylie and Megan ~


Megan chose to add dots to her toenails to make them fancier ~

Beth alternated light blue and purple ~

Kylie chose hot pink and topped them off with gold glitter ~

14 Years

Fourteen years ago Rob and I got married. Pretty much everyone thought we were crazy. We had only met 13 weeks earlier. I had just turned 19; Rob was 22 (his birthday was 3 wks before our wedding). We had no money. Our combined worldly possessions consisted of a 17 year old car and 4 place settings of dishes, plus a couple of random pots and pans. Our first apartment came "furnished", meaning it included a loveseat that must have been at least 50 years old, a mattress at least that old, a small table and two chairs, and an old glueboard dresser. The springs in the mattress were so old that if you tried to lay down on one side of it, you rolled into the middle. The table had leaves at each end; if you put them up, they weren't flat and all the dishes slid off, but if you put them down, you couldn't put your knees under the table. The apartment had no windows to the outside as we were on the third floor of an old building and the first floor had developed a leak at some point, so rather than fix the leak, they just covered the opening our windows looked out onto. They used wavy plastic sheets to cover it and in the incessant wind Rexburg boasted, the sheets would bang up and down, sounding like shoes squeaking on a basketball court. Our window was about 10 ft away from the windows of the apartment across from us. They had a tv that was positioned so we could see it and since we didn't have a tv, sometimes we would watch it through the windows. That couple also had more plants than I have ever seen in anyone's house. It looked like a jungle. We built a desk for my computer (oh, forgot to include that in the list of our worldly possessions), which was a 286, and my dot matrix printer, out of boxes and covered them with sheets. Our dates usually consisted of stopping by McD's for 29 cent hamburgers or 39 cent cheeseburgers, then getting 25 cent ice cream cones from Arctic Circle. We also went to a lot of dollar movies.

It's interesting to compare that to where we are now. Rob took the day off work today and Ashley babysat the kids for us so we could go out to lunch and watch the last Harry Potter movie in theaters. We stopped by Barnes & Nobles on our way home as I had a gift card a friend gave me for my birthday that I hadn't used yet. We spent a lot of time reflecting on all that we've been through over the past 14 years. Marriage is so much harder than I thought it would be. We decided that Disney isn't really helping people by promoting the concept of "happily ever after". It would be much better to say something like "and that was how it all began". As I get more and more into my chosen field, I see so many problems that people are dealing with in their marriages or their families. I had an interesting conversation with a friend of ours several years ago. She is Muslim and her marriage was arranged. I asked her what it was like. She said she thought it was actually easier in many ways. You go into the relationship expecting to have to make compromises. You learn to love your spouse and to work together. It made me think.

Rob and my relationship was love at first sight, which I translate to mean that we knew each other and loved each other before we came to Earth and we remembered those feelings upon meeting for the first time. Love at first sight, a whirlwind romance and wedding . . . that would be the whole movie if it were told by Disney. It was only the beginning for us though. And it certainly has been very difficult at times. It's been very wonderful at times though too. If I could go back, even knowing how hard it would be, I'd still make the same choice :)

And someday we'll look back on our first 14 years and say "that was only the beginning" :)

Megan and Jack's Birthdays

I never got around to posting pictures of Megan's birthday. Her big birthday present was going out with G'ma K, Kylie and me to get pedicures and go out to dinner (which we did in May as that is when G'ma K was here), but we still had a small celebration. Megan decided rather than go out to a restaurant for her birthday, she wanted sushi and root beer floats. She decided she wanted to buy a birthday cake rather than make one and picked out cupcakes with little plastic balloons on each one, which she requested we keep. Her birthday was on a Sunday, so Saturday night we had the Foote's over for hot dogs and hamburgers and had the kids play in the sprinkler in the backyard. We sang happy birthday and somehow managed to stick 10 candles (9 for her years and one for good luck) into one cupcake.

On Sunday, we ate sushi we bought the day before and had the elders (Randel and Robinson) over for root beer floats. Megan opened her presents that night as well. Beth gave her a toy cell phone, Jack gave her a huge water gun, and Kylie gave her a sparkly red microphone. Mom and Dad gave her walkie-talkies that look like cell phones, which were a huge hit :)





Jack's birthday was last Saturday. We asked where he wanted to go out to eat and he requested a trip to Sonic. We lived it up and bought the kids Wacky Packs AND ice cream. They even got to eat the ice cream first! We were going to go watch Beca drag race, but she ended up not racing that night, so Jack requested a trip to the car wash instead.

Saturday we made his cake. He requested a bumblebee cake (bumblebees are yellow, which is Jack's favorite color), so we did our best. There are times when it makes things more difficult to have children who read encyclopedias. This was one of them. The bee HAD to have 6 legs. Then Megan noticed that we failed to give the bee antennae, so we had to add those too :) I think it turned out pretty well though!





For dinner we had hot dogs, Cheetos, and "gananas", all of Jack's favorites. We invited over a family we've been friends with for several years and have recently started doing more with. We met Miss Betsy when Megan started kindergarten; Kylie would play with her youngest daughter, Caitlin, every day while we waited outside to pick our kids up after school. Caitlin has come over several times this summer and Ashley, Caitlin's older sister, started babysitting for us after Brittney moved. Josh is in the middle of the two girls and Jack loves hanging out with him - I think Jack's just happy to be able to hang out with a boy as almost all our friends have only girls. Josh has given Jack a bunch of his old toys; all Jack's transformers and monster trucks came from Josh :) Miss Betsy's husband is a cop and works odd hours, so he wasn't able to make it.

We sung happy birthday and Jack tried to blow out his candles. He blew as hard as he could, but only managed to blow out one candle. It took him about 8 tries to blow out the five candles (4 for his birthday and one for good luck).




After eating cake, Jack opened his presents. He got a bow and arrow set from Megan, a toy Diego cell phone from Beth, and a set comprising of an army guy and a helicopter from Kylie. Mom and Dad gave him a flashlight shaped like the t-rex from Toy Story (it even talks!).


Then Jack opened his BIG present from Mom and Dad!


It was a "Cars" couch that folds out into a bed!!! Jack has slept on it every night since then :)



Jack ended up with quite the birthday weekend as he got a third night of celebration on Sunday night. Kiki had been up at the drop zone on Saturday, so she came over Sunday for dinner and brought Jack and Meg's birthday presents from Nona and Papa. (Nona and Papa have sent online birthday cards for each of our birthdays - isn't the Internet awesome? - and Jack was able to email them back with my help.) We were even able to get Nona and Papa on skype for a few minutes so they could watch as Jack and Meg received their presents! They got Russian coloring books :) Megan has already colored several pages in hers :)

Thoughts

I had an interesting night last night. A classmate of mine from my school residency, Renee', founded a program called PID, or the Prostitute Diversion Initiative, which works in conjunction with the Dallas PD to help give prostitutes a way out of the life they are trapped in by providing them with the opportunity to attend either inpatient or outpatient treatment programs and connecting them to support resources that give them tools that allow them to change their lives. Renee' offered me the opportunity to be part of the program as a volunteer. One night a month, a central site is set up. Cops go out and round up prostitutes, mainly targeting locations such as truck stops. The women are booked, searched, and treated for possible medical issues. Then a photo ID with their name and fingerprints on it is created. Once the PD is done, they bring them over to the other part of the program, where a therapist and a social worker or psychologist are teamed up together. The therapist acts as an advocate for the prostitute and the social worker gets the information necessary to figure out if the individual is interested in treatment and if so, what level of treatment would be most appropriate. During this section, the individual is given food and water and clothes, if needed. Once that paperwork is finished, the PD takes the individual to another section, where judges hand down immediate rulings, and the individuals are either taken to treatment, to jail if they have outstanding charges, or if they are not interested in treatment and have no charges serious enough to book them on, they are driven back to the street they were picked up on.

It was quite an experience. Renee' put me in as a therapist, although it wasn't really therapy sessions as our job was not to help them deal with their problems, but to determine where they needed to go so their problems could be addressed. There was such a variety of women and stories and reactions. Some were mad at the world (and I don't blame them hearing their stories), some were embarrassed and upset, some had dead looks on their faces. One lady had several seizures; apparently she is a frequent visitor and it's a pretty common occurrence. The cops were always close by in case they were needed, and they were once or twice.

I left around midnight when things slowed down (we started at 7pm). I didn't sleep that night. The experience gave me a lot to think about. The strength of these women surprised me. I remember listening to one lady as she sat across from me. She was Rob's age. Her dad left early on, then her mom left. She had a baby at 13 and she did her best to raise her baby on her own. Even with all that, she managed to make it through 11th grade. I don't know if I could have done that. In studying to become a therapist, you study a lot about depression and suicidal thoughts. Part of the assessment was to determine if the individual was suicidal at all. The lady I've been talking about wasn't. That really struck me. Even with all the horrible cards she had been dealt and the things she had to live through, she had hope.

All day I've been noticing my blessings and wondering at the differences in circumstances. I don't think I did anything to deserve my lifestyle more than someone else deserves it. Not that we're wealthy, but we have a house, two working cars, and food. Rob has a job and I am able to stay home with our kids. Why do I end up in this life, coming home to Rob and my kids to sleep in a soft bed, and the women I saw last night end up sleeping on jail beds or on the street? Why did my kids end up living in our house, safe and taken care of, while the children of the women I saw last night live in dingy hotel rooms or apartments with their mother's pimp?

Rob says he understands where I'm coming from. He had the same thoughts watching the street kids and the mentally handicapped in Brazil.

I don't have any huge insights. I came away from it glad that at least I was doing something small to help and determined to try to do more. I came away from it grateful for the blessings in my life and in the lives of my children.

Recent FB Statuses

Me: Beth, you're getting so big! I can't believe you'll be in kindergarten in a few weeks!
Beth: Mom, do you think I'll find someone to marry in kindergarten?
Me: Probably not in kindergarten.
Beth: But there are boys in kindergarten, right? Are we allowed to have crushes in kindergarten? Do you have to tell the teacher?

My baby just pushed a sleeve of diapers over to my end table and climbed up on top of them so she could reach farther back and pull more stuff off it . . . I think I may be in trouble here as she figured out how to do this at 8 months old . . .

Eva

We gave Eva a cupcake of her own at Megan's birthday dinner. She thoroughly enjoyed it!

Notice her two teeth on top. She actually has three teeth on top, but one just broke through. She has four on the bottom now as well!

Eva loves climbing on things. She was very excited that she figured out how to climb in and out of her bouncy seat and loves climbing up there just to play.

She loves the computer and spends a significant portion of her time attempting to get to it. When she manages to reach it, she bangs on the keyboard and does things like set up secure browsing sessions and delete all my saved passwords. I find it interesting that she manages to do those things with just a few short key strokes and it takes me hours to figure out how to undo them . . .