Thanksgiving break

We didn't do a lot this break besides just catching up on sleep. On Thursday we all went over to our god-family's house and the adults all went to watch "Instant Family" in theaters (Except Dad, he was sick) The kids (I was in charge as the oldest) built gingerbread houses and watched "Arthur Christmas," and then some baking show I can't remember the name of. I made instant friends with their grandparent's beagle and he spent most of the films stretched out across mine and my little god-sister's lap.

On Saturday we decorated the Christmas Tree which was really fun. We used the fake tree this year and put so many ornaments on it I don't know how it's still standing. I got kicked out halfway through the tree-building process so I just watched Kylie, Beth, Eva, and Laura make an assembly line out of putting together the tree. Eva and Laura "fluffed" the branches and gave them to Kylie, who clicked them into place. She then rotated the tree and Beth fixed the gaps in the leaves where you could see to the middle.

(What happens when I leave the computer alone)
Wow Megan your grammar sucks. -Kylie. You're so dramatic. We didn't kick you out, and you didn't make "instant friends" with the beagle. He laid down on Noelle's lap and you were just sitting next to her. You take after Mom. -Beth.

Happy Birthday Eva Grace!!!

http://laneyandrob.blogspot.com/2011/11/happy-birthday-eva.html
Happy Birthday!

You are such a smart girl and we're all super proud of you! It's been super cool seeing you grow up and learn new stuff. I love hearing the stories you and Laura make up as you play Barbies with each other. I can't really repeat the story of your birth as I wasn't really there; but I know your name could've been Stuart. 

Have an amazing birthday Eva!

7 years later- "Through My Children's Eyes"

From January 3, 2011: "We did this two years ago and Megan discovered it while reading through our 2009 blog book. We decided it would be fun to see how different the answers are now :)" 
http://laneyandrob.blogspot.com/2011/01/through-my-childrens-eyes-revisited.html

Questionnaire (7 years later):

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Megan: To not fail my classes
Kylie: Don't burn the house down
Beth: That she loves me
Jack: I love you
Eva: Go to sleep, princess
Laura: I love you

2. What makes mom happy?

Megan: When we give her hugs

Kylie: When we get good grades

Beth: When she gets to spend time with friends or family

Jack: Doing what she says and what Dad says

Eva: Doing chores when we're supposed to

Laura: Napping with me

3. What makes mom sad?

Megan: When Kylie doesn't clean her part of the room

Kylie: When she's tired and we're fighting

Beth: When things don't work out

Jack: Us fighting each other

Eva: Losing jobs and us getting bad grades

Laura: I don't know

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

Megan: By making jokes

Kylie: Making jokes

Beth: By teasing us

Jack: Puns

Eva: Joking

Laura: By telling me funny things

5. What was your mom like as a child?

Megan: Very smart

Kylie: Hardworking

Beth: She looked like Megan and was very smart

Jack: Sad

Eva: She was very stressed

Laura: She has brown hair and it goes down really far and that's what she look like

6. How old is your mom?

Megan: 40

Kylie: Mom's 40, right?

Beth: 40

Jack: 40?

Eva: I think she's 41 or 1 lower than 41 or 41.

Laura: I don't know

7. How tall is your mom?

Megan: Taller than I will ever be

Kylie: She's 5'10"

Beth: 6'0

Jack: As tall as my mom is

Eva: Lower than the curtain but almost to the top of the curtain

Laura: 7 feet?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

Megan: Make people happy

Kylie: Probably sleep

Beth: Spend time with friends and family

Jack: Spend time with her wonderful son

Eva: Spend time with us and also bake with us

Laura: Play with Evie (Eva) and me

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

Megan: Probably sleep

Kylie: Work or sleep

Beth: Work or School

Jack: Sleep

Eva: Work and maybe sleep

Laura: She miss me so much

10. If your mom is on TV for something, what will it be for?

Megan: For her therapist job

Kylie: Therapist stuff

Beth: For giving a speech on Therapist stuff

Jack: Surviving all her heart failure and back crap

Eva: Baking and to keep your body healthy and stuff and doing work

Laura: News since she likes news

11. What is your mom really good at?

Megan: Being a therapist

Kylie: Persevering, Determination

Beth: Making time for all of us

Jack: Living

Eva: Baking and being a therapist

Laura: Walking in high heels

12. What is your mom not very good at?

Megan: I do not know

Kylie: Keeping her cool when we make her angry

Beth: Anything she doesn't like

Jack: Dying

Eva: Doing kitty litter and she's also bad at cleaning now because of her heart

Laura: Staying awake

13. What does your mom do for a job?

Megan: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Kylie: Marriage Therapist

Beth: Family and Marriage therapist

Jack: Therapy

Eva: Therapist

Laura: Business

14. What is your mom's favorite food?

Megan: Those red ice cream thingies from Dairy Queen (I think they're called dilly bars)

Kylie: Lobster or anything seafood, really

Beth: Mike'n'Ikes

Jack: Mostly fruit candy

Eva: Salad

Laura: Chicken

15. What makes you proud of your mom?

Megan: That she was able to accomplish what she wanted to do

Kylie: She can basically do anything

Beth: She can balance work, school, doctor appointments, and friends and family

Jack: She gave birth to me

Eva: Doing her job even though she has heart surgeries

Laura: When she gives us paper

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

Megan: I don't really watch cartoons anymore, but if it was anime, she would be the mother from Wolf Children.

Kylie: I agree with Megan

Beth: Wonder Woman from the animated series (P.S Megan does watch cartoons)

Jack: A mom

Eva: The queen from "Mia and Me"

Laura: The mom that marries The Greatest Showman
(Eva said that if this was about me, I would be Candy from Glitter Force. "She's the tiny little bear that never shuts up")

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Megan: Talk

Kylie: We go swimming during the summer

Beth: Anything, really

Jack: Mother and Son things

Eva: We go to stores 

Laura: We nap

18. How are you and your mom the same?

Megan: We kinda look the same

Kylie: Similar hair

Beth: I can not answer this without insulting mom or sounding narcissistic 

Jack: We're both tan

Eva: We both have the same hair

Laura: We both have the same eyes

19. How are you and your mom different?

Megan: She's really smart

Kylie: She can actually handle people complaining to her

Beth: We look very different 

Jack: She's a woman

Eva: She's older than me

Laura: We don't have the same hair color

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

Megan: She tells me a lot 

Kylie: She pushes herself to spend time with us

Beth: She works spending time with us into her schedule

Jack: She pushes herself to go to work for us

Eva: She gives me shelter and food and clothing

Laura: Because I'm one of her kids

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?

Megan: Home

Kylie: Probably home

Beth: To The Cheesecake Factory with dad

Jack: Sleep

Eva: The salon and she likes to go with us and also to Dairy Queen and also to Mrs. Jojo's and also to the Cinnamon Roll Factory (Cheesecake Factory)

Laura: She likes to go home

Love you Mom! :) <3

Hi

My mom is usually really busy with work and now college since she's getting her doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy. I don't remember exactly why she asked me to take over her blog, but I've been struggling with what to post for a year or two. I finally decided on a revisit of "Through My Children's Eyes" but Laura went upstairs to go take a nap with my parents before I finished so that's still unpublished.

So here's an update on us (Kinda like a Christmas Letter but in November)

I cannot summarize these last 2 or 3 years because I have a bad memory. I went into online school for 8th and 9th grade but decided to go back to public school for the rest of High School. I think that was one of my best decisions since I feel like it's made me mature a bit and also have the chance to make new friends since I lost contact with most of them during online school. Kylie's also going to school with me which is pretty nice.

Megan (me) is now 16 (I want to go back to being 5) and is a junior in high school. I'm taking an AP art class and I'm really enjoying it so far. My hobbies include eating food and sleeping. I've gotten into anime now and I think I've watched at least 50. Christmas hasn't come yet, but I guess one of my favorite gifts was a secretary desk, which I tried to bring up the stairs myself. That resulted in me getting stuck halfway up the stairs and me yelling for help until Beth came and called me an idiot, then brought it up almost by herself (proving she is way stronger than me) The desk is pretty nice though, it was my mom's first desk. My favorite thing about this year was probably getting to go on a church trip to Nauvoo, Illinois with Kylie and Beth. I made a lot of friends and became better friends with others.

Kylie is 14 and a freshman in high school. She's doing really well and has been called out by a lot of her teacher for her good grades. She's made a lot of friends and is now taller than me. Kylie's also into anime (she's the one that got me into it) and has watched 70+. I swear she listens to music 24/7 and she can list any song off any of her playlists within 5 seconds. She no longer likes pink and has gone full-out tomboy, wearing only t-shirts and basketball shorts except when she has to wear a skirt to church. Kylie likes roleplaying and is usually the "Dungeon Master," making up a gazillion new ideas of worlds and characters.
Me: Hey Kylie, what was your favorite part about this year?
Kylie: Nothing.

Beth, sarcastic as ever, is now 12 and in 7th grade. She's in Pre-AP classes and likes drawing. She still loves reading and has a phone now so she reads almost everywhere. Her favorite series are Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Maze Runner, and Magnus Chase. She still loves purple and Aunt Kiki but has no longer decided to be a doctor. She's looking into writing and photography as possible careers and is already saving for college.

Jack is 11 and in 6th grade. He's still a dork but taller now. He resembles me a lot but is very much extroverted. I'm pretty sure the "League of Incredible Spies" from 3rd grade has disbanded but he's still friends with some of the people in that group. He likes Voltron: Legendary Defender and me, him, and Kylie geek about it frequently. Jack isn't into Pokémon, Animal Jam, or Rift as much but he likes other games that I don't know the name of.

Eva is 7, almost 8, and is like an exact copy of Beth. She's very sarcastic and has roasted everyone in our family at least once (except Beth I think.) She and Laura are best friends and they like to play Barbies. Listening into their games is very entertaining as it usually involves stuff like roof-jumping, tigers, and death; though I'm pretty sure me and Kylie were the exact same way. Eva usually gets all A's and I'm pretty sure she's never gotten a B or below, even though she's only in 2nd grade.

(After reading the story about how Eva was born)

Eva: "Wow I almost died!"

Me: "Yep."

Eva: "Would you have a different sibling instead of me?"

Me: "Nope, I wouldn't replace you for the world."

Eva: "Well, I would have another sibling instead of you!"

Laura is 6, in kindergarten, and super sweet. Whenever she's upset, she usually just cuddles with either me or Kylie. She's made a lot of friends already and enjoys telling us about her days at school, even though they usually aren't 100% accurate. I think she's the one that's taken after me the most, but only time will tell. Her and Eva are very independent and insist on making food for themselves which is usually Nutella-loaded sandwiches.

My dad is still working at Fidelity Investments, but I don't know what kind of job he does. I think it's something with math. Anyway, he's stopped playing Rift as much since he "beat the game" and is trying to find different MMORPGs that were just as good as Rift. He still goes over to Dan's to watch boxing.

My mom still works at the same place but now runs 3 businesses, helped publish a book, and is getting her doctorate. She got surgery a couple months ago but is doing pretty good for having heart failure. I'm really proud of her for being able to accomplish everything even with her heart issues. I'm super thankful she survived and hope she only gets better as time goes by.

2015 Christmas Letter

Laura turned 3 in September. Her very favorite things are everything Frozen, Megan, and Mom. She loves playing Barbies with Eva. Her vocabulary is incredible, and it makes us laugh to hear her say phrases like “Are you kidding me?” or “I don’t have time for that!” She loves to sing, especially in the car or at bedtime. Every time I sing the kids to sleep, she says “Mom, I want to cuddle you”, climbs on my lap, takes one side of my ear buds, and sings along. She may be the smallest, but she’ll never be overlooked due to the size of her personality.

Eva turned 5 in November. She still loves pink and tutus and jewelry. Her best friend is Beth, who she now shares a room with. She loves to mother Laura or anyone smaller than her and calls them “Hon” or “Sweetie”. She loves singing and randomly bursts into song. Her favorite thing to play is Barbies. She has decided that when she grows up, she is going to buy the house we rented in Florida this past summer (or move to Oklahoma – which she has never actually been to, but for some reason imagines as a wonderful vacation-y spot), and live there with her three children, taking care of flowers and playing on the beach.

Jack is 8 and got baptized in September. He is in 3^rd grade this year. His favorite part of school is the friends he makes. He was part of a club called the Ninja Warrior Spies, but is now in a club called League of Incredible Spies. He loves Pokemon and the Avengers. He loves playing on electronics. His favorite computer games are Rift, games on MAD.com, and Animal Jam. His current life goals include becoming a professional chef and stay-at-home-dad, living in TX, and having as many children as he can.

Beth will turn 10 this week. Her very favorite thing is reading and she devours books in hours. She loves the kindle as we can buy books at any time and they are instantly available to her. She’s in 4^th grade this year and continues in the GATES (Gifted and Talented) program through school. She still loves the color purple and her Aunt Kiki (my sister, Christy) is still her favorite person. Her favorite animals are monkeys. She continues to work towards her goal of being a doctor. This year she’s decided to focus on being a pediatrician. She reads all of Rob’s medical books to help her prepare. She’s decided to go to Baylor University when she graduates from high school.

Kylie is 11 and in 6^th grade. She started middle school this year and made the switch to an online school (Texas offers three different online public school options). She loves doing school online, especially as it allows her to sleep in and spend lots of time on the computer. Her favorite class is her technology class and she does really well at it. Her powerpoint was chosen by the teacher to be shown as an example to the rest of the class. She loves Pokemon and her new Nintendo 3DS that she saved up and bought herself (with the help of the money we had budgeted for her Christmas gifts). She loves basketball shorts and big baggy t-shirts, and hates dresses and anything fancy and frilly.

Megan became a teenager in July when she turned 13. Her favorite part of turning 13 was being old enough to get a facebook account. She’s in 8^th grade this year. She is also attending school online this year (like Kylie), which she enjoys because the schedule is much more flexible. She really likes the club options through her online school, and is part of the Caring for Animals Club and the Minecraft Club. Her favorite Christmas present was her bike, which she asked for because she learned how to ride a bike this year. She can’t wait until she’s old enough to volunteer at an animal shelter and keeps trying to talk us into getting more pets (we think 3 cats and 1 dog is more than enough). She wants to be a teacher when she grows up.

As of last May, Rob has worked for Fidelity Investments for eleven years. He’s been in his current role for four years now and really likes the department and team he’s part of. He is the only one at the company that does his particular job, and has enjoyed getting to develop new processes for that role (his boss said he’s done “a superb job” at it). He continues to enjoy playing Rift (an online game), and loves that the kids play it with him. He remains the primary caregiver for the kids and does a fantastic job at it. His guy nights are still with Dan watching UFCs at either Buffalo Wild Wings or Dan’s apartment (Dan doesn’t have six kids running around, plus he has cable and a DVR). He’s made spending time with me and taking me on dates even more of a priority this year, and we usually have a date at least once a week, even if it’s something simple like grocery shopping together.

I (Laney) continue to work as a LMFT Associate (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate) for a private practice. Even though I only got licensed 16 months ago, my schedule is completely full. I work four days a week, but work ten to eleven hour days, and sometimes Saturdays. My group for female addicts with sexual addictions and intimacy disorders has been running for almost two years now (it’s still the only group of its kind in the DFW area) and we are considering starting another one. I love, love, love my job and feel so blessed to be able to work in this field.

Update on my heart – when I went back for my six month checkup in March, my ejection fraction had returned to where it had been. My cardiologist told me there was nothing else they could do and we just had to wait until it got bad enough that it was worth the risk of a heart transplant. We decided to get a second opinion. In June, I met with a new cardiologist who told me I’d been misdiagnosed and it wasn’t caused by my pregnancy; it was probably viral cardiomyopathy (what Barbara Hershey’s character dies of in the movie “Beaches”), but could have been caused by the medications I was on when I was pregnant with Eva. He said that he could have done something if he’d treated me within 3-6 months of the condition developing, but probably wouldn’t be able to do much now. That was hard to hear. He also took me off all of my medications for a week and did a stress echo to get a new baseline unaffected by medication. He discovered that at some point, my heart had healed, but the medications I was on were so strong that they masked it. He took me off two of the medications that day and cut the one I was on the highest dose of in half. Three months later, he cut that dose in half again as my ejection fraction was now within normal range (the lowest number of normal range, but I’ll take it) on a regular echo, even with the medication. I have to wait another six months (until next March or April) to lower the dose again, but as long as I maintain my current ejection fraction, I’ll be “out of the woods”. I’ll have to stay on a maintenance dose of medication for the rest of my life, as I’ll be at higher risk of heart problems in the future, but I’ll be able to function much closer to a normal level of activity and they aren’t calling it terminal anymore!

As I’ve stepped down my medications, it feels like I’ve come back to life. It’s been wonderful to have the energy to spend some time with my kids again and to be conscious enough to hear and remember the cute conversations they have with each other. It’s been difficult to see all that I missed out on over the last two and a half years, and to see the differences in what I’m capable of now versus what I was capable of before my heart failed. We’ve been really, really blessed to have Kala as our babysitter for two years now. She’s taken over the parts of the role of mom that I can’t do. Rob’s done an amazing job at stepping up and taking over things that have always been my responsibility, and I’m really grateful for him.

We’re adjusting to our new normal. We got to go on a vacation this past August for the first time in seven years. We rented a house on the beach in Florida. It was great to get to spend time together as a family and one of our goals for this year is to go on vacations (even if they’re small ones) much more frequently. We’re settling into being a family with two working parents, and adjusting to not having any little babies in the house for the first time in thirteen years.

We hope the year went well for each of you!

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Rob, Laney, Megan, Kylie, Beth, Jack, Eva, and Laura

Recent Church Policy Announcement

I don't usually comment about politics or LDS church policy or any other controversial topic because I feel like my views are best shared in conversations where I can be sure that the people I'm talking to don't misunderstand what I'm saying and where I can address any concerns or confusion. I'm hesitant to do so now, but I've had several clients ask if I would type something up. I also feel like the most recent topics necessitate overt gestures of support.

Last week, the LDS church shared that children of same-sex couples would not be allowed to be baptized, or receive any other ordinance, until they reach the age of 18. At that age, if they want to become members of the LDS church, they will have to go through a more stringent screening process than usual, which would include denouncing the practice of same-sex marriage.

Honestly, my first reaction was heartbreak. I knew this message would be seen and translated by so many as condemnation and rejection. I have seen the struggles LBGTQIA friends and clients have had within themselves and within church culture as they try and balance LDS beliefs with personal beliefs and parts of themselves. It breaks my heart to know that this announcement will make people believe that they are being rejected by God and that they aren't worthy to receive ordinances Mormons consider essential. Knowing this will rip families apart. Knowing this will be used to mock and persecute those who are already fighting every day just to feel they have permission to exist.

Hearing the stories about the spike in suicidal thoughts made that even more real to me. I had a client come into my office with tears streaming down her face. She looked at me and said "those could have been MY children". I read stories about individuals who had gotten divorced and were now in same sex relationships and their ex's are suing for full custody so that their children can be baptized. I had another client come to me and say "If they can say this, then what's next? Are they going to say children of porn addicts can't be baptized?"

The fear and pain are so real. I think it's really important for me to stand up and say that I see that pain. The scriptures tell us to "mourn with those that mourn". I've loved the pictures and stories I've seen of LDS families and individuals that reached out to friends they knew might be hurting because of this. Plates of cookies with notes that read "I don't know what to say, but know we love you."

I don't have a clear cut answer. I've found peace in several things as I've tried to make sense of this.

The bottom line for me is that God loves all of His children. He will never judge someone for the actions of another, no matter what LDS (or any other church's) policies state, or seem to state.

I also recognize that I am not privy to all the information that leaders of the LDS church have, meaning I won't be able to completely understand their choices and the reasons behind them. A client found peace in identifying that church policy is different than church doctrine. Policy changes. Doctrine is eternal.

This past weekend, Mark and I ran a couples class. One activity we used involved having the group complete a task without speaking and with their eyes closed. We had them do it twice. The second time, we pulled one of the participants aside and asked him to deliberately sabotage the activity. It obviously made it much harder and it took the rest of the group a while to figure out what was going on. When they figured it out, some of the group members initially got upset about it. As we discussed it afterwards, there were a lot of things that the group learned from the second part of that activity. One question we asked was "would you have taken that role if we had asked you to?" Over half of the group said yes. We asked why. One member answered "Because you asked me to. I trust you. If you ask me to do something, it's for a reason and it will be something that helps me or others."

I don't advocate blind trust. That wasn't blind trust. Mark and I have worked really hard to earn his trust. He was saying that based on his experiences with us, he believed in us enough to take that risk. We would lose his trust if we took advantage of it, which is an appropriate response.

That is the type of relationship I have with God and with the LDS church. I know that God will not ask me to do something unless it is for a good reason. I don't often know what that reason is when I am asked to do whatever it is He asks of me. I have faith that the LDS church is led by men of God. I have faith that the choices they make will, in the end, work towards peace rather than pain.

I don't know the reasons behind the policy announcement. I can speculate, but I have no way of knowing how on target I am. I know from experience that the most painful things in my life have often, in the end, brought the most growth and peace and joy. I didn't see how this particular situation could bring growth and peace and joy, but I am seeing more compassion and empathy for the struggles of LGBTQIA individuals from members of the LDS church now than I ever remember seeing before. I see more people speaking up, more people reaching out. That's one very good thing that has come from this.

I guess the bottom line is ...
To those in pain over this announcement, my heart breaks with yours and I'm here if you need to talk or need support. I love you and will not reject you. You are not alone. I don't know all the reasons behind this, but I know you are loved by God.

Because of my tried and trusted faith in the leaders of the LDS church, I can step back and say there must be a reason behind this.