Recent Church Policy Announcement

I don't usually comment about politics or LDS church policy or any other controversial topic because I feel like my views are best shared in conversations where I can be sure that the people I'm talking to don't misunderstand what I'm saying and where I can address any concerns or confusion. I'm hesitant to do so now, but I've had several clients ask if I would type something up. I also feel like the most recent topics necessitate overt gestures of support.

Last week, the LDS church shared that children of same-sex couples would not be allowed to be baptized, or receive any other ordinance, until they reach the age of 18. At that age, if they want to become members of the LDS church, they will have to go through a more stringent screening process than usual, which would include denouncing the practice of same-sex marriage.

Honestly, my first reaction was heartbreak. I knew this message would be seen and translated by so many as condemnation and rejection. I have seen the struggles LBGTQIA friends and clients have had within themselves and within church culture as they try and balance LDS beliefs with personal beliefs and parts of themselves. It breaks my heart to know that this announcement will make people believe that they are being rejected by God and that they aren't worthy to receive ordinances Mormons consider essential. Knowing this will rip families apart. Knowing this will be used to mock and persecute those who are already fighting every day just to feel they have permission to exist.

Hearing the stories about the spike in suicidal thoughts made that even more real to me. I had a client come into my office with tears streaming down her face. She looked at me and said "those could have been MY children". I read stories about individuals who had gotten divorced and were now in same sex relationships and their ex's are suing for full custody so that their children can be baptized. I had another client come to me and say "If they can say this, then what's next? Are they going to say children of porn addicts can't be baptized?"

The fear and pain are so real. I think it's really important for me to stand up and say that I see that pain. The scriptures tell us to "mourn with those that mourn". I've loved the pictures and stories I've seen of LDS families and individuals that reached out to friends they knew might be hurting because of this. Plates of cookies with notes that read "I don't know what to say, but know we love you."

I don't have a clear cut answer. I've found peace in several things as I've tried to make sense of this.

The bottom line for me is that God loves all of His children. He will never judge someone for the actions of another, no matter what LDS (or any other church's) policies state, or seem to state.

I also recognize that I am not privy to all the information that leaders of the LDS church have, meaning I won't be able to completely understand their choices and the reasons behind them. A client found peace in identifying that church policy is different than church doctrine. Policy changes. Doctrine is eternal.

This past weekend, Mark and I ran a couples class. One activity we used involved having the group complete a task without speaking and with their eyes closed. We had them do it twice. The second time, we pulled one of the participants aside and asked him to deliberately sabotage the activity. It obviously made it much harder and it took the rest of the group a while to figure out what was going on. When they figured it out, some of the group members initially got upset about it. As we discussed it afterwards, there were a lot of things that the group learned from the second part of that activity. One question we asked was "would you have taken that role if we had asked you to?" Over half of the group said yes. We asked why. One member answered "Because you asked me to. I trust you. If you ask me to do something, it's for a reason and it will be something that helps me or others."

I don't advocate blind trust. That wasn't blind trust. Mark and I have worked really hard to earn his trust. He was saying that based on his experiences with us, he believed in us enough to take that risk. We would lose his trust if we took advantage of it, which is an appropriate response.

That is the type of relationship I have with God and with the LDS church. I know that God will not ask me to do something unless it is for a good reason. I don't often know what that reason is when I am asked to do whatever it is He asks of me. I have faith that the LDS church is led by men of God. I have faith that the choices they make will, in the end, work towards peace rather than pain.

I don't know the reasons behind the policy announcement. I can speculate, but I have no way of knowing how on target I am. I know from experience that the most painful things in my life have often, in the end, brought the most growth and peace and joy. I didn't see how this particular situation could bring growth and peace and joy, but I am seeing more compassion and empathy for the struggles of LGBTQIA individuals from members of the LDS church now than I ever remember seeing before. I see more people speaking up, more people reaching out. That's one very good thing that has come from this.

I guess the bottom line is ...
To those in pain over this announcement, my heart breaks with yours and I'm here if you need to talk or need support. I love you and will not reject you. You are not alone. I don't know all the reasons behind this, but I know you are loved by God.

Because of my tried and trusted faith in the leaders of the LDS church, I can step back and say there must be a reason behind this.