Musings of a Mother

About an hour ago Eva crawled up on my lap and drifted off to sleep. Unlike some of my other kids, Eva does not stay asleep when we move her, so here I sit so she'll get a good nap. This week's homework is done and I've already checked facebook. There's not much else I do on the computer. Sometimes I look around at times like this and think of all the things I could get done if only Eva would stay asleep if I put her down. We have about a million (only a slight exaggeration) loads of laundry to fold, pretty much every surface in the house over 3 feet off the floor needs decluttering, our bedroom really needs to be organized, I don't think we've dusted or washed the windows in years. The house gets cleaned about once a day, but it doesn't stay clean for long.

I was at a friend's house yesterday. Her house was neat and clean and decorated. Her mantle was clear of clutter. Her kitchen counters were cleaned off. Her carpet was unstained. Sometimes it makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me. Then I remember that she has three kids, the youngest of which is Kylie's age, and she's not going to school. She's at a different stage of life. Some day my house will once again be clean on a regular basis. I will be able to use beautiful decorations. I will not have stickers all over my car windows. My blinds will not be broken. My carpet will be unstained.

Beth asked me the other day if we were ever rich. I laughed and said no. She asked why not. I quoted "Cheaper by the Dozen" and said "at some point in your life you have to decide if you want to have a million dollars or a million children. I picked children". Beth then asked if I was sad that I didn't have a million dollars. I said no, that I wouldn't trade my kids for any amount of money. She thought about that for a few minutes, then told me she thought I made the right choice. She said was glad I picked kids instead of money.

We've had to make a lot of sacrifices over the past nine and half years. We knew that was going to be the case when we decided that I should stay at home with our kids. There's a cost to every choice. I'm glad we decided to make the choices we did. I don't know how many hours I've spent sitting and nursing our babies or holding them while they slept. I don't know how many hours of sleep I've given up. I have no idea how many household chores didn't get done because they wanted to be held. Rob's worked overtime and at several points even worked two jobs. He's come home from work and helped me clean the house or make dinner. Both of our cars have over 100k miles on them and both are over 10 years old. We had to move to TX as New England was too expensive. We don't go on expensive vacations.

But it's all worth it. I wouldn't change it for the world. Eva's already walking on her own and plays without me. Megan's more than halfway to college. I feel like I blink and my kids age a year. So I will enjoy this stage. I will hunt bad guys with Jack using hangers as bows and Christmas ornaments as arrows. I will cuddle Eva and kiss her little fingers. I will pull Beth onto my lap and listen to her read to me. I will trap Kylie as she passes by and tickle her. I will try not to mind as much when Megan uses all the peanut butter to make an "invention" that she then decides doesn't taste very good. And someday I will clean my house. It will still be there when the kids are older.